Two are better than one.
Last week I wrote about the gap many of us carry in midlife: being surrounded by people but not feeling known. The responses I received told me that landed somewhere deep.
This week I want to sit with the harder part. Not the recognising, but the rebuilding. Because for many of us, the reason we don't have that depth isn't just circumstance. It's that somewhere along the way, we stopped letting people in.
As a doctor trained in lifestyle and integrative medicine, I see the whole person: body, mind, spirit, and relationships. You cannot separate them. We talk a lot about nutrition, movement, sleep, and stress, and those matter enormously. But connection is a pillar of health too. Research consistently shows that women with strong social support have lower inflammation, better immune function, and lower cortisol. A major meta-analysis of 148 studies found that people with stronger social relationships had a 50% greater likelihood of survival over the study period (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). And Dan Buettner's Blue Zones research found that strong community and social connection is one of the nine shared habits of the world's longest-lived populations. It's not a nice-to-have. It's as fundamental to your health as what you eat.
Your body thrives in community the way a plant thrives in good soil. Isolation is not just an emotional problem. It's a physiological one.
And yet, if you've spent years being the one who holds things together, asking for help can feel like failure. Showing someone the unpolished version of your life can feel like a risk you've learned not to take..
This passage is often read at weddings, and marriage is one expression of it. But I don't think it stops there. Some of the most life-sustaining relationships I've seen are between women who have chosen to do life together. The friend who picks up the phone at 11pm. The one who shows up with food when you didn't ask. The sister-friend who knows the version of you that existed before you learned to perform. If you're married, these women make your life richer. If you're not, they may be the cord that holds you together.
This passage has always challenged me because it doesn't frame needing people as weakness. It frames it as design. The cord of three strands is stronger not because the individual strands were flawed, but because strength was always meant to be shared.
If you read last week's newsletter and recognised yourself, this is the next step. Not a full overhaul of your social life. Just one act of honesty with one person this week. Let someone see you. It will feel like a risk. It is one worth taking.
Health in your body, peace in your soul, purpose in your step.
Lolu :)
